AuDHD = ASD + ADHD

 Hello folks!

How about a little algebra to start the day!

No actually, I thought I would share something I’ve been toying with in and about my own brain.

You may know many years ago I was diagnosed with Aspergers as it was known at the time. Now of course it is called Autism or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

I went along working out my life with this new information and experimenting with how much to tell the world. Also, how many accomodations I needed especially as a late diagnosed autistic.

I had become used to hiding all my sensitivities as I called them. And just not doing things if I thought it would be too much. Of course I did have a huge issue with my digestion for about six years prior to the birth of my kids which meant I couldn’t work, so it was pretty easy for me to hide away at home.

I got a bit better and went out to work again, and then got pregnant with two amazing boys over the next three years. So I stopped work again and had an excuse to be at home.

Of course raising kids as an autistic person is quite the undertaking due to the sensory overload, but my husband and I worked it out (lots of time off in the car looking at the lake!)

However it still seemed my brain was constantly at war with itself. I could never work out if I liked to live in the city or the country for example. One would seem super exciting only to eventually overwhelm, and the other would seem so calming only to eventually make me feel depressed. It was so annoying!

I’m sure you can see where this is going. I have a son who has been exploring his attention issues, and whether he has ADHD. The psychiatrist we saw totally dropped the ball in my opinion, so I ended up doing lots of Google diving for him. In the process I’m starting to realise I might have the same diagnosis.

When ADHD is combined with ASD (a very common coupling), it is termed AuDHD. 

So I am starting to see the way my brain pushes and pulls, and seems to contradict itself is actually my two “disorders” in conflict with themselves. But now I am identifying which moments are caused by which part of my brain.

For example: this morning I sat in one chair at the cafe table, then the sun was in my eyes, which annoyed my ASD brain, so I moved. This pleased my ADHD brain which likes stimulation and nice shiny new things. But my ASD brain then needed me to sit still and rest in the new spot. It’s like I can have a conversation between the two sides and they can play off each other. “Right, we’ve fixed the annoyance,  you’ve had your stimulation, so now you need to let me rest.”

And over the years even though I didn’t know it, this combination has helped me get out and about and do new things, and enjoy new things! But also helped me be more disciplined and able to learn things.

I also know that I feel happiest when both parts of my brain are satisfied.

I’m not sure how this will pan out in the future, but I do know just having this understanding has opened my eyes to myself in astonishing ways, and I feel like I’m really meeting and comprehending myself, and I feel more in control of my mind.

That swishy swirly contradictory angst has lessened. And that can only be a very Good Thing!

This morning my ASD brain suggested it was time to cut my hair because it was “SO ANNOYING!” And my ADHD brain was very happy with the idea of a new hairstyle. Can you tell I’m happy with the result?

As I rise from bed

In the morning 

I marvel

At how we stack

Our bones

Up into the sky

Hang out wobbly organs

Wrapped in muscle

And skin

And teeter into the world.

How confident we are

In our vulnerability.

19/11/22

‘Til next time,

Keep on creating!

Love,

Jazzy Jack