A fleeting visit

Hello folks!
I wonder if you remember me? 

I just stopped by quickly to let you see a video I made. It once again features the magical Moruya River and my gorgeous family.
We are all well. 
Miles is 17 and now drives. He has officially graduated from homeschooling, although we still go about life the same. He is actively looking for work and handing out resumes. Very interested in some form of mechanical engineering at this stage for a career.

Aiden is 14 and looooves bikes. Motorcycles I should say. He is counting the days until he can get his learners licence. (16 and 9 months)
Every day he has a new bike he would like to buy and the strategy to go about it.
He is now swimming once a week in swimming lessons, takes the dog for regular long walks, rides his ebike around town and is generally a much fitter and much happier human.

I am busy decluttering our house and sorting things through because we are moving soon to our new apartment. We have bought a two bedroom apartment which we have crazily decided to try out for a year. It will be a drastic change and downsize, but we are keen for the challenge. It is in the town centre overlooking a lake, on the twelfth floor. So slightly different to our groundlevel four bedroom two bathroom house in suburbia!
At the same time we have been renovating one of our bathrooms due to a hole which developed in the floor. So life has seemed full of flux and messiness for about a year now. I am looking forward to the move perhaps around Christmas or early next year, so we can get back a little stability and tidiness.

So to give ourselves a break we took off for ten days to our beloved coastal hideaway.
Here is the video we took the time before.
I hope you enjoy another glimpse into our lives and our country.

Jazzy Jack

BeautyScope 454: Keep cup liberty

today I first used
my keep cup
in a cafe
it's surprisingly hard
to offer it up
waiting for the stare
of disapproval
or disdain
it's surprisingly hard
to do something
outside the norm
and yet don't we all love
dramatic gestures?
grand flourishes
make us smile
like the Captain Cook water jet
I am looking at right now
leaping and floating
in the air
a spectacular point
of freedom

BeautyScope 453: Calling for rest

feeling restless
I wander my devices
scrolling app after app
calling for rest
but all the world
is ignoring me
so I keep scrolling
even louder
but no one hears
maybe I'm in the wrong place?

BeautyScope 452: Stories on the wind

the car tyres whistling
on the road above
blend seamlessly
into she-oaks calling
stroking and caressing each other
telling their stories on the wind
the wheels yell and race
dashing about
then segue into a plane droning on
down near me the river laughs
and bulrushes snigger
with their rough rustle
then suddenly a warning note
from a bird sweeping by
I went for a walk
met no-one there
but everything spoke to me

Gratitude Journal

I have started a gratitude journal.
Based on the promptings of Karl from the website Bring Gratitude.

I have tried this many times in my life, but this one is profound. It is really hitting me where I need it.
The difference is, not only do you state what you are grateful for, but also state why. This takes it deeper into our feelings, and we connect with it more.

I also find my body relaxing. As I mentioned in my previous post, I struggle with feeling safe enough to uncurl my senses and my body. I think I live life in a perpetual wince, guarded against the next blow to my senses. This is natural as I have a hypersensitive system, but I also think I feed into this in a negative way, by being a perfectionist, as I focus on the details that are incorrect in my life. The details that need fixing.

My gratitude journal is allowing me to unbox this a little because it is absolutely the opposite. Kind of the antidote if you will. Because it still makes use of my detail minded brain I can really get behind it. It taps in to my natural way of being, but this time focussing on the positive, on all the things that are going right. And truth to tell there are many more things going right than wrong. So the perpetual tensing is actually not necessary most of the time.
What a waste!

So I am using this new tool to help me learn about my environment in a new way. To tell myself it is safe to unfurl, to open to life because on the whole it is good. People are friendly, and things have a way of working out, even if not to my timetable. Sure things can be too loud and grating on my senses causing me to shut down. But I can't stay shut. I need to allow myself time and space to unfurl. Otherwise I will miss all the beauty and music and light.

Do you relate to this?
Have you ever done a Gratitude Journal? How did you feel?


I have been musing on the concept of "safety". I believe this is one of my basic needs, well don't we all want to be safe?
I need to feel safe to allow me to connect in to the flow of life, to feel in harmony. I need a sense of peace to allow my senses to unfurl safely, a rarity in this autistic body.
As an autistic person I spend my life tensing against perceived threats. Due to my sensitive senses and hyperactive nervous system, my body reacts to the world intensely.
I need to prioritise healing, to allow my own safety.

Minimalism, prioritising, and decluttering are ways forward.
One of the filtering questions I have heard in minimalism is "Do I need this now?"
This fosters a sense of presence, a living in the current moment, not worrying about the past or the future.
Unexpectedly, as I ask this question I am imbued with a sense of gratitude as I answer "Yes". Allowing me to appreciate all I have that supports my life.

Over Easter I had the sublime experience of walking out of time into our property "Heartwoods".
How restorative it was to read a book instead of flicking through short videos. I find it leads to simple deep learning. Allowing my brain to consider and contemplate between times.
Reading about something deep and calming such as the wider story of minimalism which addresses our mindset and soul needs allows me to experience slowing down of my system, which imbues a sense of safety.
It is such a great mantra for me "Slow Down". Do you need the pedal to the metal ALL the time?
As an extension to the previous question, I am also asking myself "Do I need to do this now"?

What is safety anyway? Is it an illusion?
When do we know we are safe?
Do we ever know?
I think the answer to this is very individual. Each person will draw the lines in different places according to their story.

I think we can wind ourselves up into tight little balls like slaters and then forget to unwind when the danger is past. What a waste of a life.
But we need to feel safe to start the process of unwinding.
I think self care is very important for me in this.
Some of my self care moments are: reading(obviously), watching movies, physical pampering, taking time out in nature, and writing poetry,
And recently, increasingly, feeling grateful.