Religious journey

Hi friends!

Today I thought I’d chat about something that is big in my life right now. As you can see by the title, I am making my way back to the church.

If you don’t know I was born into a family of Missionaries in PNG and so my early years were spent in the Baptist church where I was baptised as a teenager.

When we returned to Australia permanently, we changed over to an Anglican Church, where I met my husband!

After getting married and travelling to Canada where we went to a Baptist church again, we moved to Canberra. We liked the idea of a local church we could walk to, so ended up at another Baptist church.

Unfortunately after I had my first child I started to question whether God existed and ended up leaving the church.

Over the next twenty years I have had different stints at other churches including a Pentecostal church in NZ.

However nothing really felt right. 

Recently after a health scare I decided it was time to sort out my spiritual life once and for all!

And weirdly I can’t really tell you why, but I decided to try out a Catholic Church. It may be because my close friend goes to one.

I hunted around for the biggest Catholic Church in Canberra, and landed on the Cathedral. I then checked one of its services out online and it seemed pretty cool. 

When I ventured tentatively in through the doors on Sunday, I was surprised by how many people there were. But it wasn’t too formal. There were kids around and lots of age and cultural range. It seemed a friendly place.

Of course I was massively swayed by the bells ringing as I approached, and the pipe organ and choir in the loft. The sides of the church were covered in stained glass pictures of the saints but it was still very light and bright.

Coming from a Protestant background I knew nothing about how the service would run. I was quite lost as to when to stand and sit and sing, but the service seemed quite like some of the Anglican services I had been to.

The clincher was that I felt such a sense of peace as I left that no other place has given me lately.

So back I went the next week. Over and over for the last few months now.

I am now attending the RCIA group, which is the group to investigate becoming a Catholic. It’s a place to ask questions, learn the lore, and make some friends.

At the first RCIA meeting this week I was hesitant whether I would return, but something changed part way through, and by the end I left with that same peaceful feeling. So I knew I was in the right place.

I’m not sure if I will stay. I’m not sure I can wrap my head around all the teachings. I’m not sure my queer family will accept my explanations and may feel alienated.

I hope not, because I am attracted to the love and holiness in the essence of the teachings, and the lives of the mystics, not the laws laid down by judgmental humans.

I believe our journey with God is between God and ourselves and he wants to welcome us with open arms.

So I am exploring in my tentative fragile way, following the peace.

For once I have found a place to put my spiritual life which makes sense to me. I hope I haven’t alienated everyone to get here.

Til next time,

Keep on creating!

 (Even designing your life)

Love,

Jazzy Jack

BeautyScope 460 : Treehugger

late evening sunlight

life long friends stand highlighted

happily entwined

5/10/2024
 

 

BeautyScope 459 : Grass warriors

shining swords 

press upwards

through rock

fed by rays of sun

21/9/24

New Life

Greetings to a new season.

Yes, it’s Spring! (Here in the Southern Hemisphere)

I am feeling all full of new life with the warming weather and new growth.

I am reminded of one way I try and make myself feel awake and full of life, daily. On our daily walk we encounter a set of stairs which takes us down to road level. It just happens to have a double handrail down the centre which makes it perfect for sliding down and holding on tightly at the same time. So most mornings I emerge to the road, having just slid down the banister, with a big smile on my dial! Talk about starting the day right :-)

Another way of starting each day on the right foot I employ is to dress up for my walks, which I mentioned last post. There’s something about putting on a pretty outfit complete with cute accessories that really do it for me. We sashay around town with our dog arm in arm, stopping at a cafe to have a cuppa and a chat, walking home around the lake noticing any changes in the weather or waves, watching as the bird population ebbs and flow, and chatting to any neighbours we pass. It’s a pretty great life.

I think the Spring energy found me yesterday, because I took a 10 kilometre hike. It felt like the breaking of the fast over Winter, and also my recovery from some niggling issues. We have emerged from our fallow time along with the rising of the light. My friend reminded me, we are almost up to 12 hours of daylight now. I am feeling the effects of the long walk today, but not as badly as I’d feared, so that’s a great way to start a new season.

I’ve taken to doing blind drawings i.e. drawing while not looking. Here is one I did with a blossom.

I recommend the practice as it takes all the pressure out of making something realistic, and you just get to have fun drawing. I find it nice way to start my creative day.

Dear baby leaves

Welcome to the world 

As you hang there

In all your fragility 

Your lime green light

Bathing the world

Do you know

How we look at you

And smile?

Telling us of life

Continuing on

A beacon for us

To follow 

Lifting our minds

Into the skies.

30/9/23 

Til next time,

Keep on creating!

Love,

Jazzy Jack

Some outfits I have made recently

 Hi all!

Welcome to my fashion parade.

Recently as I was working up to starting my blog again, I thought it might be easier to show my outfits.

So I set up a tripod near the front door and used it with a phone mount to quickly take a photo as I walked in from my morning outing.

Every morning Cris and I go out to a cafe with our dog Winter to exercise her (as we live in an apartment) and to spend time together. Cris says he is retired in the mornings. On the way home we walk near the lake and admire the nature. It’s a lovely habit. And I tend to dress up a bit for the fun of it. When we return home our apartment is so warm I usually get around in Summer gear.

So here are some examples of my recent Winter outfits (we live in Australia).

I’ve started out with a few things I’ve made. This first one is an old thrifted blanket that I made into a Japanese style apron. It is sooo warm. It was a mockup, but it’s turned out so well I have it in my normal wardrobe. I may dye it one day when it gets too filthy. I hand stitched it and used some old ecodyed silk to highlight the pockets.

The next item is a granny square vest I’ve been enjoying. Giving my outfits some colour during Winter.

I made the squares for a blanket for our bed, but ran out of patience, so put them together this way instead!

Oh yes, I also knitted the gloves I’m wearing.

This is actually a failed renovation. I bought this lovely woolen Men’s dressing gown for $5. I coloured in the piping with its distinctive white and navy. But every time I wore it it still felt too much like a dressing gown. Even though when I look at this photo it looks fine! So I was going to play with it a bit more but realised it isn’t on the straight grain and that threw me so much I chucked it in the fabric pile to be used another day. Maybe I’ll make it into a skirt.

I love this item which I knitted, I call the strangled octopus. It is able to be worn many ways, and just gives boring jackets a bit of personality.

I have a hat I knitted with a brim and I find it is super useful on windy sunny Winter days. So I thought I would crochet another one out of my head. Well, it was nearly a disaster! But we persevered, and although it is a massive hat, it did come in very handy when I went to the seaside.

And we finish with a few “normal” ones!

I hope you enjoyed that fashion show? Can you hear the cool music in your head and all the applause?!

A phrase I call my theme music is “Shine on you crazy diamond”. Maybe that is playing in your head right now?

Have a wonderful week my friends.

Til next time,

Keep on creating!

Love,

Jazzy Jack

AuDHD = ASD + ADHD

 Hello folks!

How about a little algebra to start the day!

No actually, I thought I would share something I’ve been toying with in and about my own brain.

You may know many years ago I was diagnosed with Aspergers as it was known at the time. Now of course it is called Autism or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).

I went along working out my life with this new information and experimenting with how much to tell the world. Also, how many accomodations I needed especially as a late diagnosed autistic.

I had become used to hiding all my sensitivities as I called them. And just not doing things if I thought it would be too much. Of course I did have a huge issue with my digestion for about six years prior to the birth of my kids which meant I couldn’t work, so it was pretty easy for me to hide away at home.

I got a bit better and went out to work again, and then got pregnant with two amazing boys over the next three years. So I stopped work again and had an excuse to be at home.

Of course raising kids as an autistic person is quite the undertaking due to the sensory overload, but my husband and I worked it out (lots of time off in the car looking at the lake!)

However it still seemed my brain was constantly at war with itself. I could never work out if I liked to live in the city or the country for example. One would seem super exciting only to eventually overwhelm, and the other would seem so calming only to eventually make me feel depressed. It was so annoying!

I’m sure you can see where this is going. I have a son who has been exploring his attention issues, and whether he has ADHD. The psychiatrist we saw totally dropped the ball in my opinion, so I ended up doing lots of Google diving for him. In the process I’m starting to realise I might have the same diagnosis.

When ADHD is combined with ASD (a very common coupling), it is termed AuDHD. 

So I am starting to see the way my brain pushes and pulls, and seems to contradict itself is actually my two “disorders” in conflict with themselves. But now I am identifying which moments are caused by which part of my brain.

For example: this morning I sat in one chair at the cafe table, then the sun was in my eyes, which annoyed my ASD brain, so I moved. This pleased my ADHD brain which likes stimulation and nice shiny new things. But my ASD brain then needed me to sit still and rest in the new spot. It’s like I can have a conversation between the two sides and they can play off each other. “Right, we’ve fixed the annoyance,  you’ve had your stimulation, so now you need to let me rest.”

And over the years even though I didn’t know it, this combination has helped me get out and about and do new things, and enjoy new things! But also helped me be more disciplined and able to learn things.

I also know that I feel happiest when both parts of my brain are satisfied.

I’m not sure how this will pan out in the future, but I do know just having this understanding has opened my eyes to myself in astonishing ways, and I feel like I’m really meeting and comprehending myself, and I feel more in control of my mind.

That swishy swirly contradictory angst has lessened. And that can only be a very Good Thing!

This morning my ASD brain suggested it was time to cut my hair because it was “SO ANNOYING!” And my ADHD brain was very happy with the idea of a new hairstyle. Can you tell I’m happy with the result?

As I rise from bed

In the morning 

I marvel

At how we stack

Our bones

Up into the sky

Hang out wobbly organs

Wrapped in muscle

And skin

And teeter into the world.

How confident we are

In our vulnerability.

19/11/22

‘Til next time,

Keep on creating!

Love,

Jazzy Jack

Well hello again!

Greetings my gorgeous ones.

I find I have had an 18 month hiatus from the good ol’ blog, even though I really didn’t mean to.

So fingers crossed I can start a new streak with this one.

The problem when you’ve had such a long break is there is so much to catch up on. But I think we’ll just try to jump on in and summarise the most important changes.

The things that come to mind, are our kids’ study activities.

Last year Miles managed to complete a Diploma in Engineering at our local Tech Collage. So he now has a qualification under his belt. But he enjoyed himself so much and had so many questions they couldn’t or wouldn’t answer, he has now taken himself off to Uni to do a double degree Bachelor of Mechanical Engineering and Physics. Which means he no longer lives at home, and he has to do his own cooking and cleaning! He is mostly loving his new life.

This year Aiden has chosen to follow in Miles’ footsteps and is currently studying at our Tech College for a Cert 3 in Laboratory Skills. He has had some difficulties with being around others due to his OCD, but has persevered and passed all his subjects last semester. So now he only has Chemistry to go!

We are so pleased with our homeschooled boys. They are both resourceful and brave, and still love learning. They are finding a lot of their fellow students are more jaded, which we put down to homeschooling.

So never let people tell you you won’t get into University if you have to remove yourself from the school system for whatever reason. We are evidence that it is possible, even if you have to find creative ways to get there. 

This is how my gorgeous boys look now, and for those who have followed for a long time, we were at our property Heartwoods.

I will leave it there for now and let these couple of lines start me off again.

And ‘til next time,

Keep on creating!

Love,

Jazzy Jack