I'm coming to terms with some of the ideas I was exploring in my last post.
Here are some solutions I've found for me.
The best thing so far has been to
take my foot off the accelerator!
For an adrenalin junkie like me this has consequences in my mood, and is not quite as easy as it seems. But it certainly quietens my nervous system and leaves me much more able to cope. I do love creation and discovery, so staying in one place for too long can depress my mood. This is a continual balancing act.
I am finding I can use my sensitive senses and my Autistic brain to dive deep into the moment.
Exploring deeply into my senses
helps time slow down and gives my brain something to feed on so it doesn't feel bored or run around trying to find something else to obsess over.
Also feeding my senses calms my body and gives me another layer of relaxation.
I am working out that when the volume suddenly feels turned up, or the speedometer is in the red, it often isn't the world that has changed, even if that is how my mind interprets it,
so I run around trying to slot appointments into calendars and telling everyone to quieten down. When really I need to
from being around people for a while until my mind quietens down and I can cope again.
I find it hard to understand this in the moment, as my mind interprets everything as external. It really is hard to realise the change has been within. I rely on others to help me with this.
I also have found poetry to be a huge help. Not just writing it, but
using the poetic mindset
which loves contradictions and paradox to help me live in amongst the chaos. To encourage me to not try and rule boxes around moments but to let life flow more freely through my hands and sit in the messy maelstrom.
Here are two poems I wrote along these lines.
I hope you enjoy them and maybe find encouragement for your life.
I love walking on edges
those crumbling places
that hold so much room
for new thoughts
I want to explore them
with my side eyes open
to sense wondrous
impossibilities of life
To believe in things
that shouldn't happen
and have mysteries
that confound the wise
I want to stay awake
to feel expansion
around the sides
To keep myself
from being rigid
and funnelling my thoughts
down the line
Help me to be
receptive to them
those spaces which
are hard to define
And help me to
receive within me
the lifelines that are
my poetic mind
When I am tired
I tie myself up tight
cutting off any soul
hanging over the edge
I want to make life organised
cut and dried, certain
simple and easy to manage
but all that I lose when I restrict
is my expansive playful
OK we'll leave it there for now. I'm sure this isn't the last I will speak on this topic!
Til next time,
keep on creating!