Be vulnerable and others will reciprocate. We create a space for vulnerability.
It can be the opposite of what we expect or strive for. We become less to become more, to speak our truth into the world.
We need to tell our stories encouraging others to tell theirs.
We discovered this during our mother's group. We were all feeling overwhelmed at having to clean the house before the group came over, but we all did it. One person needed to lead the way and be vulnerable, showing their truth and that would have opened the door for others to be honest.
Is it possible to be too vulnerable?
Showing our soft underbelly? Throwing pearls before swine?
This is something I find very hard to judge in my autistic mind. Something is either on or off. I either talk about myself or I don't. The finer nuances are beyond me.
So often I will feel like I've overshared but not sure. Worried I haven't judged the situation correctly.
Is there such a thing as oversharing?
My extreme sensory system leaves me feeling vulnerable often. I feel like the world is attacking me.
I am counselled to work out how to put up barriers to protect myself, but I haven't been very successful so far.
How to bring more vulnerability into your life?
Take the time to show more of ourselves in communication situations. Tell the truth when someone asks the formulaic "How are you?" or "How was your weekend?'
Tell your family when you are finding things hard and need some help.
But on the whole I feel vulnerability is worth it.
There is a strength in showing weakness. A contradictory truth.
If we all keep our facades up, our society is weaker because we never know each other.
It leaves us communicating in a purer way. Soul to soul, without defences. My truth to your truth, and that has to be a good thing.
I've learned from experience that vulnerability is worth it. Ironically it has power because it usually triggers empathy from others. Most people are fearful of exposing weakness and lose out on making deep connection to others. Like most things motivated by fear, that attitude is limiting and self-defeating. Open up, expose that soft belly and be positive. The result will almost always be positive.
ReplyDeleteP.S., Don't be hard on yourself. We all struggle with this. You do a good job.
I think that 99% of people that ask you how you are don't actually want to know. It's just a habit/greeting to ask that question. For that 1% that is usually family, friends or your doctor though I think it is worthwhile to be honest, otherwise what's the point?
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
http://www.suzannecarillo.com
Jack,
ReplyDeleteI’m always opening myself up and later wondering if I’ve overshared. I resolve to be a bit more distant and keep things to myself, but I’m never successful. I just can’t seem to help myself. I do think sharing our thoughts and feelings and letting people see the real us is good. It does encourage others to be open too. It gives everyone permission to be themselves and share the important things. But still, there are times when I wonder if I have said too much. I just want to hide away. At these moments, it’s good to know I have a friend who understands. Maybe we all need someone who we feel comfortable showing our soft underbelly to without having to worry about what they think. Thank you for being that kind of friend for me.
I either overshare or don't share at all too Jack so I totally get the dilemma about transparency and how much vulnerability is appropriate. There are times where The Land Of Blog seems a Safer place to Share than Real Life, which may be an illusion, but it has been therapeutic for good rants and Sharing the Heart every now and again! *Winks*
ReplyDeleteWhat you say resinates with so many people us included. We think of a flower bud before it opens . What if it chose not to open up? We'd miss the amazing beauty.
ReplyDeleteWhen people share themselves they are giving a gift of themselves and it's a privilege to be given that gift we found. Sometimes there are some people who can't receive the gift. They are too busy waiting to tell you how to fix it or wanting to say their bit! Our love D&M xxxx
I totally have this same dilemma, oversharing or not sharing, it's like I have not a 'medium' position. When I overshare I'm afraid of creating an uncomfortable atmosphere, but I've realized that most people take it as an opportunity to meet each other better. Actually, most people feel encouraged to share their own vulnerability and relax. Other people don't like it, but anything can't be liked by everyone.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I've learned that coworkers or acquaintances don't want to receive too much information when they ask 'how was your weekend?', so I try not to overwhelm them. Try it. But sometimes my enthusiasm wins!
Showing my vulnerable self makes me stronger actually!
besos
it is - like all "things" not black & white.....
ReplyDeleteand i see that this makes it hard to do the "right" thing at the "right" moment. you see - there is no absolute "right" :-D
i had to learn - sometimes the hard way - to be as vulnerable and/or reserved as the situation has needed. but i still struggle - of cause. although i´m good in reading people, there are some out there who are totally strange for me - so i have no clue how to act. but then - not everyone has to love me - so if i´m to open or to close or just wrong sometimes, its okay for me.
most people don´t give a F*** at how they come over to me and others - so i guess i have the freedom to be NOT PERFECT every time ;-DDDD
much love <3
beautiful pics!!!
xxxxx