Rise and Write - Heat (prose and poetry)

I've missed the relevant linkup for this, but I was inspired by Natalia's poem.

I've done a little exercise for those interested. Here I've turned a prose passage into a poem. Although normally I would just write the poem.

In fact I wrote the prose as an exercise to stretch myself and was so annoyed at all the extra words the poem itched to be written!

Which do you prefer?

Vacantly she stared at the shimmering horizon. " Heat for dinner again" she sighed, as her child turned inside her, shifting to a more comfortable position, as if he too was tired. "Pregnancy and Summer do not walk easily together. They seem to inflame and bring out the worst in each other." she thought.Slowly she turned back inside, screen door screeching and slapping as she enteredthe stuffy room beyond. "Oh my, what a drag this all is." "No, that won't do!"

Switching on the ceiling fan, and pulling some iced water from the fridge, she inhaled coolness. Taking a long gulp the water barely hitting the sides on the way down, she would have sworn her blood temperature dropped 5 degrees. "Ahhh, that's much better"! Her vision cleared, and she noticed the sparkles the sun made shining through the glass of water. The stirring air tinkled a wind chime as if ringing a lullaby to her unborn. And she smiled.

vacantly she stared

at the shimmering horizon

heat for dinner again

and she sighed

as her child turned within

as if searching

for more comfort

maybe he too was tired


pregnancy and summer

don't walk easily together

they seem to inflame

bring out the worst

she thought

as she turned through

the screeching screen door

into the stuffy room


switching on the ceiling fan

pouring a glass of iced water

she inhaled coolness

taking a long gulp

water barely hitting the sides

she swore her temp

dropped 5 degrees

ahhhh!

 

her vision cleared

she noticed sun sparkles

in the glass she held

the stirring air

tinkled a wind chime

ringing a lullaby

to her unborn child

and she smiled

 

Linking with Rise and Write

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 comments:

  1. cant decide - both are gorgeous in their own!
    can feel the heat and the wind from the fan - and i hear the noise the door makes.....
    what a sunset!!!!
    hugses!
    (thanx to bushy for showing you the translation trick!)(interestingly did you understand my intention for the garden muuuuch better as some german readers!)
    xxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting exercise. I have always thought some poems tell stories and some prose passages are pure poetry. I don't have a preference reading them though. The prose paints a full picture for me as part of a larger story whereas the poem captures the time, the moment, in a distinct isolation.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is a wonderful example of how the Prose Story "in solution" is "crystallised" into the poem. Both capture the feeling and colour. The poem feels more immediate turning from red hot to aqua blue by the descriptions. What a wonderful sunset! D&M xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. You know that I love your poetry, but I was really interested reading your prose (this is first time, I think) - and I love it too! They are not mutually exclusive, of course - whatever you want to say and how you want to say it differs from day to day, from moment to moment. The photos is amazing! Keep writing my dear! Love xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. It may seem an odd reference, but I always enjoyed the way Tolkien mixed prose with poetry and lyrics. Most venues for writing seem to want to keep them separate, but this exercise makes it so vividly clear that they can work well together. Both are moving and fresh. Well done. I enjoyed this very much.

    ReplyDelete

If a topic has special significance for you, or touches you in some way, I'd love to hear your story! I will return the favour and we will gently touch hands across the miles...or kilometres :-)