Visibility


Patti's Visible Monday on Not Dead Yet Style has had me thinking about visibility and what it means to me.
Here is my highly visible outfit I wore to a gathering the other week, with my wool kimono see Architectural Clothing about halfway down the page. I had many remarks about my layered spiderweb fishnets over my Muppet tights! So I felt highly visible.



Gold leather jacket, faux fur collar, tartan dress, white blouse- op shop
Boots, yellow tights - retail
Spider fishnets - Black Milk retail

Here is Mr Actor in a balaclava I made for him, trying to be invisible, but with visible thought.
He's a honey!


Being visible and taking up space in the world is a constant effort for some. In physical space, with ladies crossing their legs and not invading others' space in public, or people with larger than average bodies being made to feel shameful.
Or in aural space, with people speaking in soft voices. People even apologise for singing in public, like they are somehow hurting others! If I hear someone singing it makes my day! So why do we apologise? Surely we all have the same rights to populate the aural-sphere?

Do we not want others to judge us so we try to keep under the radar?
Don't we all want to be seen by someone? Really seen? Isn't this why we blog? I know it is for me.
Are we so used to putting up a mask where we are all victorious that we are afraid to be vulnerable?
How many people clean up before the cleaner comes? Heaven forbid the cleaner sees our mess!
I remember in my Mothers' Group days, we would visit each other's houses and although we were all struggling and barely coping with baby mess, we all tidied up and pretended our house was immaculate. We laughed at this and said we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves, but no one was game to be the only slob, to show their reality. (Of course the other side to this is that we often enjoyed having a clean house afterwards ;-)

I am often told how brave I am, showing my soft, not coping side. But I think that is the blessing Aspergers has given me, in that I don't know how to do anything else, but be honest. I know I also can over share, so I'm not advocating that, but being slightly more real and visible can bring amazing benefits, where others then share their reality with you and a bond and connection is made.

I'd like to share a poem I wrote on this subject. Hopefully you won't find it too dark!

In loving you
I give myself to you
brushing aside the enshrouding mists
intended to baffle
exposing my core
my vulnerable places
my raw weeping wounds
holding my breath -
waiting for your hiss of revulsion

I hear silence
and unbelieving open my eyes
to gaze on your beauty
as you in turn
let drop your cloaking mask
sharing your mutilation with me

Okay, enough soapbox! Come on over and see the folks at the shindig on Visible Mondays
at Not Dead Yet Style. We are highly visible in many ways, and we love it!

'Til next time, keep creating!
Jazzy Jack
 
Update: Linking up with Sacremento's plaid party at MisPapelicos. All these wonderful plaid/tartan get togethers!

17 comments:

  1. Great outfit. Loving the tights and tartan. I'm actually glad that I feel the urge to clean when people come over... Sometimes I get more cleaning done the hour before someone comes over than I do the whole rest of the week lolzzzz

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  2. Wonderful and very honest, profound words. We all try to show the perfect side and thus produce for other people pressure. The others do the same and you will find a very unnecessary circulation. Deep inside we all know that we are NOT perfect and I think nobody of us like too perfect people. I often thought when I come to visit a friend and at their homes were not perfect .. yesss I like this, feel very comfortable.. it felt human and sympathetic for me. It´s the same with outfits. I like people with not that perfect pieces. Love more edgy, individual style... like yours dear! :)

    wish you a gorgeous week
    and I <3 your poem !!!!!!!
    Dana :)

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  3. The cleaning one got me, my mother is the same! :D I used to clean before a friend visited, I don't do it anymore, it's so silly! I live like a slob and I'm not ashamed.
    Kudos for being honest and open, this is a rare quality in this stuck up world we live in.
    Ha, that outfit is super fun, I love the funky tights and the colors! Plaid is so in! :D

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  4. Other people coming over is the only time I am galvanised into cleaning action!
    We're all visible, aren't we? We can make choices about whether we blend in or stand out, but I guess the first principle of choosing our clothes should be - do I love them? Do I feel good? Anything else is a lesser concern. Bright tartan, gold leather, and orange tights layered with spidery fishnets will probably get you noticed, but what's wrong with that?! Interesting point about taking up aural space too - I sing all the time when I am out and about (the kids are amused and embarrassed in equal measure), and I have a friend who repeatedly points out that I have a very loud laugh. I can think of worse things to be guilty of, so I'll carry on as I am, being visible and heard! xxx

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  5. Thank you for this insightful and honest to the core post, JJ. I am pretty quiet by nature, but I love to laugh and giggle loudly, too. Thanks for sharing with Visible Monday, and your visible outfit is wonderful.

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  6. What a great post. Yes, we are all visible but some of us are remembered and others instantly forgotten. Its nothing to do with age, sex or looks and everything to do with how we chose to behave and to present ourselves.
    Nothing like a visit from friends to galvanise me into housework and I've stupidly planned a party for Friday night....arghhh! xxx

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  7. fantastic writing! don´t know if i understand the poem completely but what what i understand from it and from the text touched me a lot.
    i was brought up to worry about what other would think - always. and that you´r always be judged. thank goodness there is a big rebel inside me! so i started with unusual clothes, then with weird friends, choose a live as artist - and now i only clean the house if i want a clean house.
    we all want to be loved - but we cant have it from everyone. if one dislike what one sees - it´s not our responsibility (if we are clean and wounds are wrapped ;-) )
    xxxx

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  8. :) i really enjoyed reading this post. as someone who just moved to a new place... i keep reminding myself that i have to be vulnerable a bit to make new friends. but it's hard. :) love the tights.

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  9. A great expression of ideas that has promoted lots of good thoughts and comments and Mr Invisible Actor has very handsome eyes. You must have brightened the dull day of winter in your Visible outfit! Your poem crystallises communication when two people have real empathy... giving the other such a gift....oh for more in the world. M xxxx

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  10. You are so very creative. I love the poem you shared. Relationships make us so vulnerable, especially in the beginnings. It's scary. Good thing you're wearing those spooky tights. They'll help you when things get difficult at times. ;)

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  11. Oh, hello Jack! Great post, and yes ... that's why we do it! Some of us show out on-line because no one is looking in real life, I think. I'm so happy that the hiss didn't happen in your poem!
    I'm not a patient one with people who I think take up way more than their share of the aural-sphere. But I'm so often wrong in that ... the other too-hot afternoon found me on edge because of screaming children in a store. I almost fired on their mother, until the frantic look on her face just set me back in my place. Poor woman looked like a hunted animal, gray and exhausted. You are right.
    I couldn't love the tights and tights and tartan any more if I tried! Very visible, Jack, and in a great way.
    Re: clean houses. If anyone said of me, after my death, that "she kept a clean house" I'd have to die of shame all over again. What a waste of life beyond the basics!

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  12. I see you! And if I did in 'real life,' I'd want to come over and talk to that interesting looking woman. Offering at least a smile, a nod of acknowledgement, and a 'hello' to a fellow comrade. yeah? yeah.

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  13. Oh, I see you..You are very much visible not only in this outfit but in anything you chose to wear. Because it is about your personality. Great post!

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  14. You look like Halloween personalized - and yes, very visible!

    I am that weirdo who often sees people as they don't even begin to see themselves. Do you know what I mean? People hide, more than anything, from themselves! And not because there is a scary truth to find out about themselves - just because nobody usually teaches them to be real. Something else is valued in the world much more than being real. Well, I am real. Not perfect - just real. And I know that you are. And many other women here, in this "tribe". Real absolutely means vulnerable. I am vulnerable. Victorious? Hardly. I think you can always see it from one's eyes, from the facial expression. Eyes are the mirror of one's soul, as one Russian writer said. I always look into eyes. I look in my eyes too - and I know who I am, well, at least, most of times. You know what hurts the most? When you are real, and those who are next to you, are not. Not because there is something not good about them, no! Just because they are too scared to be vulnerable. And from that, yes, I want to hide- fro the "unrealness" of the world. I am grateful for meeting you. You are real.

    With love xxxx

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  15. dear lady, thanks for sharing your plaid!, love your tights and love your tartan dress, such pretty colors!
    And I'm also loving your attitude, and feeling encouraged to be real and visible and share whatever I am with enthusiasm!
    besos & plaid

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  16. A highly visible and yet quiet post that requires reflection. I am seen around town here but I'm really SEEN more in blogging, among people who seem to "get" me. I don't get very personal but there is lots of stuff going on between the lines. I see you, I get what you're saying here. I love the Black Milk webs over the muppet tights.

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If a topic has special significance for you, or touches you in some way, I'd love to hear your story! I will return the favour and we will gently touch hands across the miles...or kilometres :-)